Recent studies have shown that the mood swings associated with bipolar disorder may be tied to the changing of the seasons. In these studies, people with bipolar disorder were more likely to experience manic episodes, periods of extreme euphoria, during the warmer months of spring and summer than in the winter and fall.
http://sciencedaily.healthology.com/mental-health/article998.htm
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Physical Abuse, Childhood Neglect Can Equal Depression
January 1, 2007, NEWARK, NJ ~~ Children who suffer physical abuse or neglect are more likely to develop a major depressive disorder (MDD) in young adulthood, new research has found.
Researchers from the Department of Psychiatry, New Jersey Medical School, University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey in Newark, and the Bureau of Evaluation and Research, Office of Children and Family Services in Rensselaer, New York, said few studies have looked at the relationship between abuse or neglect in adulthood and depression in adulthood. They studied adults with an average age of 28.7 years with substantiated cases of physical or sexual abuse or neglect as children, compared them with adults who were not abused or neglected as children.
The researchers found that physical abuse or neglect evaluated the risk of developing a MDD in young adulthood, but childhood sexual abuse did not.
They concluded that the results support the need for health-care professionals to increase efforts to detect and treat depression in physically abused or neglected children.
The study, which appeared in the January issue of Archives of General Psychiatry, was entitled “A prospective investigation of major depressive disorder and comorbidity in abused and neglected children grown up.”
Source: BP Canada Magazine (Spring 2007)
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Depression & Brain Cells
Depression can impair memory, but early treatment with antidepressants may stop the decline. New research at McMaster University in Hamilton, Canada found that people with a history of depression didn't perform as well on word recall as those without psychiatric problems. Previous research has also shown that depressed people have smaller brain regions such as the hippocampus, possibly because chronic stress and depression destroy brain cells. The good news is: contrary to previous theories that we have a finite number of brain cells - is that antidepressants appear to stimulate the production of new cells.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Lithium Cuts Suicide Risk in Recurrent Depression
Yahoo! News
Reuters
Fri Apr 13 1:29 PM ET
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - In people suffering from recurrent major depressive disorder, treatment with lithium reduces the risk that they'll commit or attempt suicide, according to a new study.
Lithium is commonly used to treat bipolar disorder, or manic depression. Because the drug has shown significant anti-suicide effects in this setting, Dr. Ross J. Baldessarini, of McLean Hospital, Belmont, Massachusetts, and colleagues looked for evidence that it might also benefit patients with recurrent major depression.
As reported in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, the investigators identified eight studies that reported on suicides or suicide attempts during treatment with and without lithium in patients with recurrent depression. Their analysis involved a total of 329 subjects.
The overall rate of suicidal acts was 1.48 percent annually among those not given lithium compared with 0.17 percent per year among those treated with lithium -- an 88.5 percent reduction in risk.
"The findings reported here support the conclusion that lithium may represent a useful supplemental or alternative treatment for potentially suicidal patients with recurrent major depressive disorder, as has been found in patients with bipolar disorders," the authors conclude.
SOURCE: Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, March 2007.
Reuters
Fri Apr 13 1:29 PM ET
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - In people suffering from recurrent major depressive disorder, treatment with lithium reduces the risk that they'll commit or attempt suicide, according to a new study.
Lithium is commonly used to treat bipolar disorder, or manic depression. Because the drug has shown significant anti-suicide effects in this setting, Dr. Ross J. Baldessarini, of McLean Hospital, Belmont, Massachusetts, and colleagues looked for evidence that it might also benefit patients with recurrent major depression.
As reported in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, the investigators identified eight studies that reported on suicides or suicide attempts during treatment with and without lithium in patients with recurrent depression. Their analysis involved a total of 329 subjects.
The overall rate of suicidal acts was 1.48 percent annually among those not given lithium compared with 0.17 percent per year among those treated with lithium -- an 88.5 percent reduction in risk.
"The findings reported here support the conclusion that lithium may represent a useful supplemental or alternative treatment for potentially suicidal patients with recurrent major depressive disorder, as has been found in patients with bipolar disorders," the authors conclude.
SOURCE: Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, March 2007.
Radical Medicine, Radical Treatment
Treatment for mental illness took a turn in the mid 1940’s with ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) and insulin shock therapy and the use of frontal lobotomy. In modern times, insulin shock therapy and lobotomies are viewed as being almost as barbaric as the Bedlam "treatments". The effect of a lobotomy on an overly excitable patient often allowed them to be discharged to their homes, which was seen by administrators (and often guardians) as a preferable solution than institutionalization. Lobotomies were performed in great numbers from the 1930s to the 1950s.
A new Mental Disorders and Treatment Ordinance were introduced in 1935. The term ‘lunatic’ was changed to ‘person of unsound mind’. Doctors were given the power to admit patients and voluntary treatment was allowed.
Restraining devices used in hospitals in the 1800's and early 1900's included the padded helmet which was attached to the patient's head to keep him from banging it against sharp or hard objects, the hand mitten which looked like a boxing glove and prevented patients from gouging and scratching, the straight jacket which restrained the patient's arms, and cold wet packs which were used by wrapping the patient in ice cold, wet sheets. In addition, patients having seizures were given hydrotherapy, in which they were restrained in bath tubs, covered up to their necks with canvas and bathed with warm water. Electroshock, insulin shock and lobotomies were used only in rare uncontrollable cases.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
STIGMA - And Mental Illness
When someone appears to be different than us, we may view him or her in a negative stereotyped manner. People who have identities that society values negatively are said to be stigmatized. Stigma is a reality for people with a mental illness, and they report that how others judge them is one of their greatest barriers to a complete and satisfying life. Society feels uncomfortable about mental illness. It is not seen like other illnesses such as heart disease and cancer. Due to inaccuracies and misunderstandings, people have been led to believe that an individual with a mental illness has a weak character or is inevitably dangerous. Mental illness can be called the invisible illness. Often, the only way to know whether someone has been diagnosed with a mental illness is if they tell you. The majority of the public is unaware of how many mentally ill people they know and encounter every day. One in five people will experience a mental illness at some point in his or her lifetime and mental illness affects people of all ages, in all kinds of jobs and at all educational levels.
Why does stigma surround mental illness?
We all have an idea of what someone with a mental illness is like, but most of our views and interpretations have been distorted through strongly held social beliefs. The media, as a reflection of society, has done much to sustain a distorted view of mental illness. Television or movie characters who are aggressive, dangerous and unpredictable can have their behavior attributed to a mental illness. Mental illness also has not received the sensitive media coverage that other illnesses have been given. We are surrounded by stereotypes, popular movies talk about killers who are "psychos" and news coverage of mental illness only when it related to violence. We also often hear the causal use of terms like "lunatic" or "crazy," along with jokes about the mentally ill. These representations and the use of discriminatory language distort the public’s view and reinforce inaccuracies about mental illness.
What are the effects of stigma?
If you became physically ill, you would go to a doctor. Once you got better you would expect to get on with life as usual. Life, however, does not always fit back into place for people diagnosed with a mental illness. Everyone has the right to fully participate in his or her community, but individuals struggling to overcome a mental illness can find themselves facing a constant series of rejections and exclusions.
Due to stigma, the typical reaction encountered by someone with a mental illness (and his or her family members) is fear and rejection. Some have been denied adequate housing, loans, health insurance and jobs due to their history of mental illness. Due to the stigma associated with the illness, many people have found that they lose their self-esteem and have difficulty making friends. The stigma attached to mental illness is so pervasive that people who suspect that they might be mentally ill are unwilling to seek help for fear of what others may think. Spouses may be reluctant to define their partners as mentally ill, while families may delay seeking help for their child because of their fears and shame.
How do we erase stigma?
We can battle stigma when we have facts. We all have times when we feel depressed, get unreasonably angry or over-excited. We even have periods when we think that everything and everybody is out to get us and that we can’t cope. For someone with a mental illness these feelings become enveloping and overwhelming. There is no particular way to develop a mental illness. For some people, it occurs due to genetic factors in their family. Other causes may relate to environment stressors such as experiences or severe child abuse, war, torture, poverty, loss, isolation, neglect or abandonment. Mental illnesses can also occur in combination with substance abuse.
Any questions can be directed to your Mental Health Association.
Information source for this article: http://mentalhealthworks.ca/ Mental Health Works.
SITGMA - In the Workplace
STIGMA ~~
Considering so many people have such difficulty opening up to people close to them, it's no wonder that there are real fears about being stigmatized in the workplace. The cost of mental illness in the workplace is enormous: 30 to 40 per cent of disability claims are for mental illness, and the losses amount to about $33 billion a year, not including treatment and health care—plus the unknowable costs in lost productivity by those people who suffer in silence.
Considering so many people have such difficulty opening up to people close to them, it's no wonder that there are real fears about being stigmatized in the workplace. The cost of mental illness in the workplace is enormous: 30 to 40 per cent of disability claims are for mental illness, and the losses amount to about $33 billion a year, not including treatment and health care—plus the unknowable costs in lost productivity by those people who suffer in silence.
Employees should think carefully about how much and to whom they are planning to disclose information. If an employee is performing a job well despite a mental illness, then there would be no obligation to disclose his/her condition. In fact, the benefits and risks of disclosing should be carefully weighed before any action is taken.
Sharing information with co-workers is a matter of personal choice. Trust is the issue, and although there is always talk among co-workers, be wise when or if you choose to disclose. This could be detrimental to your future with your company. Really ask yourself – am I going to be farther along by disclosing or just remain silent. Will it hurt or harm? And is it worth it?
Written by:
Me
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Chronic Headaches Leave Women Prone to Depression
Women's Health MSN
Researcher says mental state can influence course of pain management
-- Krisha McCoy
MONDAY, Jan. 8 (HealthDay News) -- Women who suffer from chronic headaches are at greater risk of depression.
That's the conclusion of a study published in the Jan. 9 issue of Neurology.
It's estimated that 18 million American women are affected by headache.
The new study included 1,032 women at headache clinics in five states. Of these women, 593 reported having fewer than 15 headaches a month, and 439 reported having more than 15 headaches a month. Ninety percent of the participants were diagnosed with migraines.
The women with chronic headache were four times more likely than those with episodic headache to report symptoms of major depression. These chronic headache sufferers were also three times more likely to report symptoms related to headache, such as low energy, trouble sleeping, nausea, dizziness, pain or problems during intercourse, and pain in the stomach, back, arms, legs and joints.
"Painful physical symptoms may provoke or be a manifestation of major depression in women with chronic headache, and depression may heighten pain perception," study author Dr. Gretchen Tietjen of the University of Toledo-Health Science Campus, said in a prepared statement.
The women with a diagnosis of severely disabling migraine had a 32-fold increased risk of major depression if they also reported other severe symptoms.
"Regardless of what's causing the link between migraine and depression, psychiatric disease such as depression complicates headache management and can lead to poorer outcomes for headache management," Tietjen said.
More information:
The American College of Physicians has more about headache.
HealthDay News
SOURCE: American Academy of Neurology, news release, Jan. 9, 2007
Researcher says mental state can influence course of pain management
-- Krisha McCoy
MONDAY, Jan. 8 (HealthDay News) -- Women who suffer from chronic headaches are at greater risk of depression.
That's the conclusion of a study published in the Jan. 9 issue of Neurology.
It's estimated that 18 million American women are affected by headache.
The new study included 1,032 women at headache clinics in five states. Of these women, 593 reported having fewer than 15 headaches a month, and 439 reported having more than 15 headaches a month. Ninety percent of the participants were diagnosed with migraines.
The women with chronic headache were four times more likely than those with episodic headache to report symptoms of major depression. These chronic headache sufferers were also three times more likely to report symptoms related to headache, such as low energy, trouble sleeping, nausea, dizziness, pain or problems during intercourse, and pain in the stomach, back, arms, legs and joints.
"Painful physical symptoms may provoke or be a manifestation of major depression in women with chronic headache, and depression may heighten pain perception," study author Dr. Gretchen Tietjen of the University of Toledo-Health Science Campus, said in a prepared statement.
The women with a diagnosis of severely disabling migraine had a 32-fold increased risk of major depression if they also reported other severe symptoms.
"Regardless of what's causing the link between migraine and depression, psychiatric disease such as depression complicates headache management and can lead to poorer outcomes for headache management," Tietjen said.
More information:
The American College of Physicians has more about headache.
HealthDay News
SOURCE: American Academy of Neurology, news release, Jan. 9, 2007
Little Evidence Omega-3 Fights Depression
February 14, 2007 8:40:40 PM PST Yahoo! News
Article Source: Yahoo! Health (HealthDay News)
WEDNESDAY, Feb. 14 (HealthDay News) -- There's no evidence that omega-3 fatty acids on their own fight depression and only limited evidence that they're effective against depression when used in combination with antidepressant drugs, according to new research.
Previous studies had suggested an association between omega-3 levels and behavior and mood disorders, including depression, according to background information in the review article, published in the journal Drug and Therapeutics Bulletin.
Omega-3 fatty acids play a role in chemical signaling in the brain, and also help regulate blood vessel activity and immune system function linked to the central nervous system. Oily fish, nuts, seeds, and leafy green vegetables are the main dietary sources of omega-3, which is also available in dietary supplements that contain fish oil.
The review authors analyzed published studies on the clinical effectiveness of omega-3 in people with depression.
Along with their conclusion that omega-3 has little or no effect on depression, the authors said there is evidence that fish oil supplements contain environmental toxins, which may be especially concentrated in supplements made from fish livers.
This means that people should not exceed the maximum recommended doses of these supplements, the authors said. They also noted that pregnant women should take only low doses of fish oil supplements, which contain vitamin A. High levels of vitamin A can harm a developing fetus.
Article Source: Yahoo! Health (HealthDay News)
WEDNESDAY, Feb. 14 (HealthDay News) -- There's no evidence that omega-3 fatty acids on their own fight depression and only limited evidence that they're effective against depression when used in combination with antidepressant drugs, according to new research.
Previous studies had suggested an association between omega-3 levels and behavior and mood disorders, including depression, according to background information in the review article, published in the journal Drug and Therapeutics Bulletin.
Omega-3 fatty acids play a role in chemical signaling in the brain, and also help regulate blood vessel activity and immune system function linked to the central nervous system. Oily fish, nuts, seeds, and leafy green vegetables are the main dietary sources of omega-3, which is also available in dietary supplements that contain fish oil.
The review authors analyzed published studies on the clinical effectiveness of omega-3 in people with depression.
Along with their conclusion that omega-3 has little or no effect on depression, the authors said there is evidence that fish oil supplements contain environmental toxins, which may be especially concentrated in supplements made from fish livers.
This means that people should not exceed the maximum recommended doses of these supplements, the authors said. They also noted that pregnant women should take only low doses of fish oil supplements, which contain vitamin A. High levels of vitamin A can harm a developing fetus.
MENTAL ILLNESS: Just The Facts, Ma'am...
Mental illness: is it an intellectual disability or brain damage?
NO. It is an illness just like any other: heart disease, diabetes, asthma.
NO. It is an illness just like any other: heart disease, diabetes, asthma.
Is it incurable and lifelong?
NO. With effective, on-going treatment, an individual may lead an everyday life
Are people born with a mental illness?
The causes are unclear. A predisposition to some mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia, can run in families. Many other factors can contribute to the onset of a mental illness in people with a predisposition such as stress, bereavement, relationship breakdown, child abuse, unemployment, social isolation and times of accidents and life-threatening illness.
Mental Illness – is it catching?
YES. Studies show one in five Americans will develop a mental illness during their lifetime. And, using the expression ‘nervous breakdown’ is far preferable to being identified ‘mentally ill’.
YES. Studies show one in five Americans will develop a mental illness during their lifetime. And, using the expression ‘nervous breakdown’ is far preferable to being identified ‘mentally ill’.
Are people with a mental illness dangerous?
NO. This is an unfair and false perception.
Should we segregate these people in the community?
NO. So many people with mental illness receive a bad rap and seem to take a place on the back burner as far as medical care goes. Not all cities/towns are alike, however, when funding is sought, the mentally ill seem to come in last. Only a few people who need hospital care, are hospitalized against their will. To reiterate – people with mental illness are not dangerous, but sadly it still leads to discrimination.
NO. So many people with mental illness receive a bad rap and seem to take a place on the back burner as far as medical care goes. Not all cities/towns are alike, however, when funding is sought, the mentally ill seem to come in last. Only a few people who need hospital care, are hospitalized against their will. To reiterate – people with mental illness are not dangerous, but sadly it still leads to discrimination.
Ooh...Shouldn't have said that Kate...
The January 19th issue of LIFE weekend magazine included a short interview profile of Kate Walsh, the actress on the television show Grey's Anatomy. For “weekend attire,” she stated as her preference: "Men's flannel pajamas all day. I can look like a mental patient."
Once again, mental illness stigma
Once again, mental illness stigma
Saturday, April 7, 2007
PSYCHOTHERAPY - Is this the route to go?
Definition
Psychotherapy can be defined as a means of treating psychological or emotional problems such as neurosis or personality disorder through verbal and nonverbal communication. It is the treatment of psychological distress through talking with a specially trained therapist and learning new ways to cope rather than merely using medication to alleviate the distress. It is done with the immediate goal of aiding the person in increasing self-knowledge and awareness of relationships with others. Psychotherapy is carried out to assist people in becoming more conscious of their unconscious thoughts, feelings, and motives.
Psychotherapy's longer-term goal is making it possible for people to exchange destructive patterns of behavior for healthier, more successful ones.
The generally accepted aims of psychotherapy are:
~Increased insight or improved understanding of one's own mental state. This can range from simply knowing one's strengths and weaknesses to understanding that symptoms are signs of a mental illness and to deep awareness and acceptance of inner feelings.
~The resolution of disabling conflicts, or working to create a peaceful and positive settlement of emotional struggles that stop a person from living a reasonably happy and productive life.
~Increasing acceptance of self by developing a more realistic and positive appraisal of the person's strengths and abilities.
~Development of improved and more efficient and successful means of dealing with problems so that the patient can find solutions or means of coping with them.
~An overall strengthening of ego structure, or sense of self, so that normal, healthy means of coping with life situations can be called upon and used as needed.
Though there are no definitive studies proving that all five of these goals are consistently realized, psychotherapy in one form or other is a component of nearly all of both in-patient and community based psychiatric treatment programs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As mentioned previously, my experience with psychotherapy proved detrimental to my entire well-being. It caused a multitude of misery for numerous years, chopping my life in half, and virtually destroying both sides. For me, entering therapy was the biggest mistake of my life. In retrospect, dredging up past hurts proved fruitless and pointless. "Let sleeping dogs lie".
But, that is MY opinion. Psychotherapy has done wonders for others. My aim is not to speak out against therapy, but as a caution, investigate before you begin.
OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
What is it?
Imagine being so worried about cleanliness that simply popping out to the shop means having to wash your hands again and again before leaving your house. And immediately after you leave, having to go back to wash them again because you touched the door handle and may have picked up some microscopic germ.
Or only being able to settle down in the evening once every item in your kitchen was lined up in its correct position (and that includes every knife, fork and spoon in the cutlery drawer, every packet in every cupboard, and even every biscuit in every tin). Life would rapidly grind to a standstill, and that is exactly what happens for many people with OCD.
Obsessions and compulsions
An obsession usually develops in the form of thoughts or impulses that occur over and over again. These obsessions may be about almost anything, although common ones revolve around dirt, germs, being ill, and harming someone you love.
The obsessions are generally traumatic for the person who feels out of control and may be associated with other symptoms such as fear, panic, disgust, and doubt.
Compulsions are small acts or rituals that a person performs over and over again in a desperate bid to make the obsessions go away. They may have to be performed in an certain way, to set rules, and can drive the person crazy, but they have little choice but to do it.
Common compulsions include:
~grooming rituals
~cleaning
~tidying
~checking switches and locks
~counting and arranging
~collecting objects
~repeating the same action over and over until it feels just right
OCD can start at any age, although usually before mid-life - in as many as 1 in 3 cases it starts in childhood. The exact cause is not fully understood, but there is a genetic or inherited tendency. Biological changes seem to occur in the brain, particularly in the way information is handled - in other words, OCD is not just made up or "all in the mind".
~grooming rituals
~cleaning
~tidying
~checking switches and locks
~counting and arranging
~collecting objects
~repeating the same action over and over until it feels just right
OCD can start at any age, although usually before mid-life - in as many as 1 in 3 cases it starts in childhood. The exact cause is not fully understood, but there is a genetic or inherited tendency. Biological changes seem to occur in the brain, particularly in the way information is handled - in other words, OCD is not just made up or "all in the mind".
Research suggests that in OCD, communication between the front part of the brain and deeper structures is faulty. Serotonin is the major chemical messenger involved in this area, and insufficient levels are thought to play an important part in OCD.
Occasionally, there may be clues to a physical cause. One unusual example is when the problem begins suddenly in childhood, after a bad throat infection (with the streptococcus bacteria). An autoimmune mechanism may be to blame, and it is worth trying a course of antibiotics as these may help.
Psychological treatments
In recent years, great claims have been made for a treatment called cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which includes learning about the condition and learning to adapt behaviour to cope with obsessive feelings. The therapy can help prevent other problems associated with OCD such as depression, or more simply, unemployment.
Other psychological techniques may be incorporated in this treatment. Those who complete a course of CBT (usually about a dozen sessions) can expect a 60 to 80 per cent reduction in symptoms.
In the US, a 12-step programme adapted from that used successfully with alcoholics, has helped some people with OCD. More information can be found at: www.emotionsanonymous.org
Drugs that increase the brain concentration of serotonin may also help improve symptoms. These are known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), and include well-known treatments such as Prozac (fluoxetine).
Talking to others can help people with OCD share their burden. The Obsessive Compulsive Foundation has a lively chat room, among many other good resources: www.ocfoundation.org
This article was last medically reviewed by Dr Rob Hicks in December 2005.
Webite source: bbc.co.uk health
Notation: I, too, suffer from OCD in the form of checking. It has become a huge problem within my daily life, as I check, which has just been checked, and check again… For me, medications were unsuccessful.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
I abhor this book. I haven't actually read it, nor do I care to, but "Depression for Dummies"? What's that supposed to mean. There is also a book, "Bipolar for Dummies". This is a disgrace, and follows along the lines of 'gardening for dummies' and 'Word for dummies'. Don't know how it got to the publisher, but someone thought it a good idea and a money-maker.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
JOURNALING - Thoughts on Paper
My first diary dates back to 1972. I was in high school and not enjoying life a great deal. The majority of my entries were depressing and distressing, and this seemed my only avenue to express feelings. I have been somewhat devoted to my journaling throughout the years, and cherish them written throughout my darkest, blackest depression days. Lengthy days spent in hospitals, which included charting extensive medications prescribed and daily feelings were recorded. Memory loss can be recaptured now due to journal entries. Even though I am on my road to recovery, I still record daily, as for me it has become a habit.
The journal itself doesn’t have to be an expensive, leather-bound book – mine is an inexpensive spiral ‘4 subject book’ purchased at a department store. Keep in mind this is YOUR journal.
Getting Started
Find a comfortable chair or seat yourself at the kitchen table. Clear your mind. Relax. Let your thoughts and emotions flow freely. It is important that you do not censor yourself as you write. Do not worry about grammar or punctuation errors. Put every thought onto the page.
What should I write about?
Everyone is different. Some write daily in a journal, others weekly. Just remember, this is your journal and you may write as you wish. Writing in daily diary type form suits some, while others choose a topic each day. But either way, let your mind go, start writing words, and most of all, follow your feelings.
Ask yourself, using one day as an example, did something happen to perhaps upset me, or was it more of a joyful day. Include: thoughts and desires, what are you most afraid of or afraid of not doing. Unresolved issues?
How can a journal help me?
Self-discovery ~~ Writing consistently in a journal can give you a deeper connection with your own inner self.
Less stress ~~ Releasing all your inner thoughts and anxieties through writing can help release unwanted stress.
Courage to pursue your passion ~~ Knowing what you want to do with your life is the first step in making it happen.
Understanding the past ~~ Journaling can bring up many issues in life that are still unresolved. Writing about them helps take you to a place of forgiveness and healing.
Written by:
Me
Sunday, March 25, 2007
SMOKING Increases Anxiety, Suicide Attempts
Everyone knows smoking is bad for them, but nicotine use among people who have bipolar disorder also raises the risk of suicide attempts, substance abuse, anxiety, and a worsening course of the disorder, new research has found.
Michael J. Ostacher, MD, and colleagues evaluated 399 outpatients who have BP disorder and found about 39% of them had a history of smoking. This history was associated with an earlier age of onset of the first depressive episode and the first manic episode, a history of anxiety disorder, a history of alcohol or substance abuse, a worsening course of the illness, and having made a suicide attempt.
The researchers said their findings indicate that more research is needed into the impact of smoking on BP disorder. The study was entitled “The Association Between Smoking, Suicidality and Clinical Course in Bipolar Disorder”.
Article Source: BP Canada Magazine (Summer 2006)
Chronic Medical Disorder Could Spell Severe Bipolar
August 1, 2006, TORONTO, ON ~~ People with bipolar disorder who also have chronic medical disorders are more likely to undergo a more severe course of bipolar, have increased household and work maladjustment, be unemployed and require medical care more frequently, a new study has found.
Researchers with the University of Toronto’s Department of Psychiatry and the University Health Network conducted what they said was the first cross-national population-based study of comorbid medical disorders.
By examining data from a national survey in Canada, they found that rates of chronic fatigue syndrome, migraines, asthma, chronic bronchitis, high blood pressure, gastric ulcers, and multiple chemical sensitivities were significantly higher in the bipolar group.
The study which appeared in the journal Psychiatric Services, was entitled “Medical Comorbidity in Bipolar Disorder: Implications for Functional Outcomes and Health Service Unilization.”
Article Source: BP Magazine (Fall 2006)
Saturday, March 24, 2007
SIX WOMEN...and mental illness
I conducted six ‘chats’ with these courageous women while an in-patient on the psychiatric floor of a medical hospital, recovering from depression. I was able to converse with each woman separately where they shared their stories.
Note: I was discharged earlier than any of these women; therefore at that point, a conclusion to each woman’s story was absent. However, I revisited three weeks later to chat. Two women were previously discharged, however the remaining four were content to share their situation. I’d like to thank each woman for sharing their stories with me – it took a phenomenal amount of courage and I wish them the best of success to remain well.
********************
Clara – Age (46)
Clara’s eyes well up as she recounts her story of anguish and to her, humiliation. Both wrists are bandaged from a botched suicide attempt, and she stares downward at the floor as she speaks to me.
The dim days of depression have taken their toll, and frowns as she recalls her profession as a bank manager, which now has ended. So has her 20-year marriage. Her husband threw up his hands and declared that he had, had ‘enough’. By enough, she explains, he grew weary of the recurring hospitalizations, the continuous unresponsiveness of her life form and now another suicide attempt. “What is next”, he asks? She still has her children’s support though, ages eighteen and twenty, and proudly shows me pictures of them.
“I am unsure of what the future holds, of course, nor does anybody else, but I wonder if I’ll be vacating the house – or him. It will be lonely one way or another, but I felt alone sometimes even when he was there. I won’t miss the constant criticism. The loneliness and lack of ambition gets me into trouble hence the days of depression begin”.
She begins to look into my eyes, her complexion not as gray compared to when we first began our conversation. Verbalizing that depression has followed behind her for fifteen years, she sought help from a family doctor and begged him to help dissipate the gloomy mind-set. Throughout the years she’s experienced minute success, attempted suicide one other time and medications have been ineffective.
“I do have a new psychiatrist, and with only two appointments so far, he didn’t seem especially interested in me or my illness.”
Clara feels both dispirited and powerless. She is also bitter. Her career was her life, as she puts it, “life has been sucked right out of me”. “Why continue”, she asks? “Who would wish to carry on – for that bright light ahead? – I think not”.
Three weeks have passed: She agreed to ECT (shock treatment). So far she’s received five treatments and feels as if they’ve made some difference and realizes this depression won’t cease to exist over night, but does feel a tad more optimistic. Thoughts of her marriage break-up, she feels, are to some extent due to the illness, which even now saddens her. But she is looking onward to the future…and expressed that she may be discharged in two weeks. Also, her strategy is to continue with ECT treatments on an outpatient basis.
********************
Belinda – Age (35)
I meander into the dining room where Belinda is waiting. She is bipolar and has been in hospital for a couple of weeks and the path has been bumpy.
Her moods have been “flip-flopping”, in other words, traveling from ‘high’ (mania) and plunging to ‘low’ (depression). Rapid cycling. Today she is feeling a little ‘up’. She much prefers this to the never-ending depressing lows. Depression to her means heading towards death. Who yearns to be living throughout this period? She struggles with the mood swing of depression far more frequently than that of mania. She has by no means attempted suicide, yet her brain travels towards that route often.
She has succeeded in the working world, as assistant manager of a major department chain for six years. Unfortunately, this all crumbled due to too many ‘under-the-weather’ days, doctor’s appointments and hospitalizations causing her to surrender her company position. She glances at me and says “just when everything is going nicely in your life, you are dealt a black hand”.
Belinda’s ill health started slowly, feeling ‘down’ a great deal of the time. Personnel at work questioned the personality change. She questioned it also, and subsequently her family doctor assessed the situation and diagnosed it as depression. The doctor prescribed some medications and advised that a psychiatrist be involved. That in itself is a task; at least in this city where they are in short supply, and typically placed on a waiting list.
Conclusively, she found a psychiatrist through the hospital. He is very thorough, doesn’t hurry her appointments and seems to really be concerned. Together they are experimenting with medications, but haven’t reached that point where moods are stable. What contented her most was the diagnosis her illness – bipolar. “I can put a name to all of these mood swings over the years, and know that I’m not crazy”. Unfortunately, at present she is not in good shape as the depressions supercede the mania. But, is working very hard to become well again.
She resides with her boyfriend who is remains very sympathetic to Belinda and her illness.
BELINDA WAS DISCHARGED
*********************
Ashley – Age (17)
Ashley motions me into her hospital room and I take a seat on the empty bed across from her. She is a teenager, morose in manner and voices that her depression has utterly spelt the downfall of her high school years.
In hospital, more often than not throughout the past year, she’s uncertain of ever graduating and feels hopeless.
Implausible dark, ominous days never end for her and on the odd chance a friend visits. “I think they feel I’m just not the ‘old Ashley’ and don’t know what to say or talk about or what mood I’ll be in if they do visit”. She begins to shed tears discussing her situation, puzzled, “what did I do that was so horrible to be stuck with this disease?”
She states she is a perfectionist and worked furiously to continually receive superior grades in school, but rapidly they started descending and her lack of enjoyment and suicidal feelings were overwhelming. Her mother was attending sessions with a psychiatrist and thought it an excellent idea for her daughter to visit this doctor. However, by the time the first appointment was scheduled, she was at the lowest point of depression and was hospitalized.
The initial admission to hospital was extremely difficult. Mixing with other patients took effort, and she was unwilling to share thoughts and feelings or problems with anyone. Days were lengthy and uninteresting. Medications weren’t doing their job and the suicidal feelings were continuously on her mind. The stay lasted three weeks. “I wanted to escape the place so badly that I lied about my actual feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts and they discharged me”.
Days out of hospital proved a tragedy. The depression over-powered her every turn. She did return to school, but concentration was absent and she gave up. Her parents weren’t stringent on his matter of attending school, as they realized the poor health and self-esteem weakened her.
Numerous admissions followed due to major depression and suicidal ideation. Medications were adjusted several times but nothing was in truth very effective.
This present admission appears to be making headway. She had a different in-patient doctor and believes the medications are beginning to achieve results. It’s indescribable how depression hurts, but although somewhat optimistic at this point, she is not throwing her arms up in the air declaring ‘I’ve won’ yet.
ASHLEY WAS DISCHARGED
********************
Carolyn – Age (20)
Carolyn is a slender girl with lengthy, straight blond hair. To glance at her, one would assume, “looks perfect, like a swimsuit model”.
Looks are deceiving. Carolyn overdosed a few days ago and is barely beginning to get on her feet. We chatted firstly about the overdose.
She intended to OD for weeks. At home she ingested a massive cocktail of prescription and non-prescription medications. Her sister dropped by unannounced, discovered her motionless on the living room floor and called 911. Afterward it was determined that, had another hour passed, she would have been dead. Tested, there appears to be liver damage and further tests are to be completed to rule out heart damage. Still though, she remains regretful that the OD wasn’t successful.
This may distress some people, with remarks to the like of “how could she be so selfish” or “she’s so pretty, how could anyone give up anything to look like her”. These are misconceptions of mental illness. Our outer shell judges us. Doesn’t matter what is intensifying within and how we are dealing with it.
Sadly, Carolyn says she prays to breathe her last breath, as the blackness never subsides. “You retire at night to blackness and wake up to the same color – black. Do they know what they are doing in this hospital? No medications are helping. What am I supposed to do; I’m out of hope”. “Nurses have done most of the work here, but the in-patient doctor is scarce and I am fortunate if visits every 3rd or 4th day”.
In spite of the mood fluctuation and hospitalizations, her boyfriend is tolerating this exceptionally well. He is very caring and supportive, and that is crucial for recuperation.
As Carolyn describes it, “depression is so consuming and it was burdensome to perform my duties at work”. She is employed at a fast-food restaurant and works bizarre hours.
This is not her career job, but for the moment it pays the bills. Her employer has incredibly understood and has guaranteed her that the job will be there when discharged.
Three weeks later: Carolyn has certainly made progress. Medication is taking effect. She may be discharged next week, but will wait until stronger and well enough to return to work. She found that the in-patient doctor’s more recurrent visits made a difference. Why couldn’t this doctor be as available for the first few weeks of her stay I ask?
********************
Susan – Age (29)
Susan appeared uneasy as I sat down alongside her. I held her hand and reassured her that at times relating your story can be cathartic.
“I’m bipolar”, she states, “and frankly this illness has ruined my life”.
She was married for three years and with the incessant quarrelling and ‘flips’ between mania and depression, brought her into hospital numerous times. Therein the marriage fell apart, as her husband just couldn’t adapt to the ‘changing’ Susan.
Susan is proud, yet shy to speak of her office position in the working world. To her credit, she has been promoted twice in the past four years, firstly as a mail clerk, followed by company receptionist and lastly to an intermediate customs/exporting position. Her company has treated her well, allowing for time-off throughout the bumpy times, but she is still cynical about the future.
She has been in hospital for 3 ½ weeks, and is not making headway. Fearful to return home while still unwell, as this depression is so tough to shrug off. And now devoid of a husband for ‘talk’ support or family, which are vanishing by leaps and bounds, life appears bleak.
Three weeks later: Unexpectedly, Susan’s husband visited and wants to make an effort at their relationship. She alleged he regrets feeling sorry for himself and did not grasp the ‘pain’ of her illness. This in itself has brought some life in her.
“I’m still sitting on the fence as far as moods go”. The meds are working slowly for her and the doctor predicts two to three more weeks in hospital.
********************
Nancy – Age (41)
“I think I’ve conquered my depression!” she expresses excitedly.
Nancy has been in hospital for five weeks. The first three were a calamity and never thought she could hold her head up high again. The deep depression was all too consuming and no matter which was of previous interest i.e. reading, playing cards or socializing – vanished. There was a sentiment of no hope.
She is employed at a government agency and supervisor of a sizeable department. She has held this position for eight years now and employed at the agency for eighteen years. The division senior supervisors, and the agency for that matter, have been incredible. They have granted her time off and affirmed to return to work when feeling healthy enough. Co-workers have been visiting, as well as friends, but frankly she was in such a condition of blackness and doesn’t commit to memory conversations.
Nancy’s marriage is unbroken and has an incredible husband who has stood by her every moment. No children are in the picture due to her demanding career.
The depression appeared to originate with the death of her father earlier in the year. He was diagnosed with cancer and passed away not long after. Subsequent to the funeral, her mind clouded and she was all consumed with thoughts of suicide. She secretly wished to be by her father’s side, but couldn’t allow her mother to bear both burdens, so sought after help with her family doctor. The doctor was wonderful, but declared she could only do so much and referred her to a psychologist.
Nancy’s sessions started off nicely, but began to alter when digging deep into her father’s demise. She reacted badly and her whole personality altered. Day after day, she would sit down in darkness, in her recliner chair, gaze at the wall for hours, more or less in a trance. She realized she considered necessary further help, so called a friend and landed in the ER.
“The attending psychiatrist on this floor was amazing and guided me through this rough time”.
The medication took its time but is feeling a difference – a big difference. Some days are major disappointments, feeling so ‘down’ and thinks pessimistically, therefore feeling frightened.
Three weeks later: Presently, Nancy is coming along and elated that she is heading upwards and onwards instead of downwards into the pit. She returns home next week.
Written by:
Note: I was discharged earlier than any of these women; therefore at that point, a conclusion to each woman’s story was absent. However, I revisited three weeks later to chat. Two women were previously discharged, however the remaining four were content to share their situation. I’d like to thank each woman for sharing their stories with me – it took a phenomenal amount of courage and I wish them the best of success to remain well.
********************
Clara – Age (46)
Clara’s eyes well up as she recounts her story of anguish and to her, humiliation. Both wrists are bandaged from a botched suicide attempt, and she stares downward at the floor as she speaks to me.
The dim days of depression have taken their toll, and frowns as she recalls her profession as a bank manager, which now has ended. So has her 20-year marriage. Her husband threw up his hands and declared that he had, had ‘enough’. By enough, she explains, he grew weary of the recurring hospitalizations, the continuous unresponsiveness of her life form and now another suicide attempt. “What is next”, he asks? She still has her children’s support though, ages eighteen and twenty, and proudly shows me pictures of them.
“I am unsure of what the future holds, of course, nor does anybody else, but I wonder if I’ll be vacating the house – or him. It will be lonely one way or another, but I felt alone sometimes even when he was there. I won’t miss the constant criticism. The loneliness and lack of ambition gets me into trouble hence the days of depression begin”.
She begins to look into my eyes, her complexion not as gray compared to when we first began our conversation. Verbalizing that depression has followed behind her for fifteen years, she sought help from a family doctor and begged him to help dissipate the gloomy mind-set. Throughout the years she’s experienced minute success, attempted suicide one other time and medications have been ineffective.
“I do have a new psychiatrist, and with only two appointments so far, he didn’t seem especially interested in me or my illness.”
Clara feels both dispirited and powerless. She is also bitter. Her career was her life, as she puts it, “life has been sucked right out of me”. “Why continue”, she asks? “Who would wish to carry on – for that bright light ahead? – I think not”.
Three weeks have passed: She agreed to ECT (shock treatment). So far she’s received five treatments and feels as if they’ve made some difference and realizes this depression won’t cease to exist over night, but does feel a tad more optimistic. Thoughts of her marriage break-up, she feels, are to some extent due to the illness, which even now saddens her. But she is looking onward to the future…and expressed that she may be discharged in two weeks. Also, her strategy is to continue with ECT treatments on an outpatient basis.
********************
Belinda – Age (35)
I meander into the dining room where Belinda is waiting. She is bipolar and has been in hospital for a couple of weeks and the path has been bumpy.
Her moods have been “flip-flopping”, in other words, traveling from ‘high’ (mania) and plunging to ‘low’ (depression). Rapid cycling. Today she is feeling a little ‘up’. She much prefers this to the never-ending depressing lows. Depression to her means heading towards death. Who yearns to be living throughout this period? She struggles with the mood swing of depression far more frequently than that of mania. She has by no means attempted suicide, yet her brain travels towards that route often.
She has succeeded in the working world, as assistant manager of a major department chain for six years. Unfortunately, this all crumbled due to too many ‘under-the-weather’ days, doctor’s appointments and hospitalizations causing her to surrender her company position. She glances at me and says “just when everything is going nicely in your life, you are dealt a black hand”.
Belinda’s ill health started slowly, feeling ‘down’ a great deal of the time. Personnel at work questioned the personality change. She questioned it also, and subsequently her family doctor assessed the situation and diagnosed it as depression. The doctor prescribed some medications and advised that a psychiatrist be involved. That in itself is a task; at least in this city where they are in short supply, and typically placed on a waiting list.
Conclusively, she found a psychiatrist through the hospital. He is very thorough, doesn’t hurry her appointments and seems to really be concerned. Together they are experimenting with medications, but haven’t reached that point where moods are stable. What contented her most was the diagnosis her illness – bipolar. “I can put a name to all of these mood swings over the years, and know that I’m not crazy”. Unfortunately, at present she is not in good shape as the depressions supercede the mania. But, is working very hard to become well again.
She resides with her boyfriend who is remains very sympathetic to Belinda and her illness.
BELINDA WAS DISCHARGED
*********************
Ashley – Age (17)
Ashley motions me into her hospital room and I take a seat on the empty bed across from her. She is a teenager, morose in manner and voices that her depression has utterly spelt the downfall of her high school years.
In hospital, more often than not throughout the past year, she’s uncertain of ever graduating and feels hopeless.
Implausible dark, ominous days never end for her and on the odd chance a friend visits. “I think they feel I’m just not the ‘old Ashley’ and don’t know what to say or talk about or what mood I’ll be in if they do visit”. She begins to shed tears discussing her situation, puzzled, “what did I do that was so horrible to be stuck with this disease?”
She states she is a perfectionist and worked furiously to continually receive superior grades in school, but rapidly they started descending and her lack of enjoyment and suicidal feelings were overwhelming. Her mother was attending sessions with a psychiatrist and thought it an excellent idea for her daughter to visit this doctor. However, by the time the first appointment was scheduled, she was at the lowest point of depression and was hospitalized.
The initial admission to hospital was extremely difficult. Mixing with other patients took effort, and she was unwilling to share thoughts and feelings or problems with anyone. Days were lengthy and uninteresting. Medications weren’t doing their job and the suicidal feelings were continuously on her mind. The stay lasted three weeks. “I wanted to escape the place so badly that I lied about my actual feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts and they discharged me”.
Days out of hospital proved a tragedy. The depression over-powered her every turn. She did return to school, but concentration was absent and she gave up. Her parents weren’t stringent on his matter of attending school, as they realized the poor health and self-esteem weakened her.
Numerous admissions followed due to major depression and suicidal ideation. Medications were adjusted several times but nothing was in truth very effective.
This present admission appears to be making headway. She had a different in-patient doctor and believes the medications are beginning to achieve results. It’s indescribable how depression hurts, but although somewhat optimistic at this point, she is not throwing her arms up in the air declaring ‘I’ve won’ yet.
ASHLEY WAS DISCHARGED
********************
Carolyn – Age (20)
Carolyn is a slender girl with lengthy, straight blond hair. To glance at her, one would assume, “looks perfect, like a swimsuit model”.
Looks are deceiving. Carolyn overdosed a few days ago and is barely beginning to get on her feet. We chatted firstly about the overdose.
She intended to OD for weeks. At home she ingested a massive cocktail of prescription and non-prescription medications. Her sister dropped by unannounced, discovered her motionless on the living room floor and called 911. Afterward it was determined that, had another hour passed, she would have been dead. Tested, there appears to be liver damage and further tests are to be completed to rule out heart damage. Still though, she remains regretful that the OD wasn’t successful.
This may distress some people, with remarks to the like of “how could she be so selfish” or “she’s so pretty, how could anyone give up anything to look like her”. These are misconceptions of mental illness. Our outer shell judges us. Doesn’t matter what is intensifying within and how we are dealing with it.
Sadly, Carolyn says she prays to breathe her last breath, as the blackness never subsides. “You retire at night to blackness and wake up to the same color – black. Do they know what they are doing in this hospital? No medications are helping. What am I supposed to do; I’m out of hope”. “Nurses have done most of the work here, but the in-patient doctor is scarce and I am fortunate if visits every 3rd or 4th day”.
In spite of the mood fluctuation and hospitalizations, her boyfriend is tolerating this exceptionally well. He is very caring and supportive, and that is crucial for recuperation.
As Carolyn describes it, “depression is so consuming and it was burdensome to perform my duties at work”. She is employed at a fast-food restaurant and works bizarre hours.
This is not her career job, but for the moment it pays the bills. Her employer has incredibly understood and has guaranteed her that the job will be there when discharged.
Three weeks later: Carolyn has certainly made progress. Medication is taking effect. She may be discharged next week, but will wait until stronger and well enough to return to work. She found that the in-patient doctor’s more recurrent visits made a difference. Why couldn’t this doctor be as available for the first few weeks of her stay I ask?
********************
Susan – Age (29)
Susan appeared uneasy as I sat down alongside her. I held her hand and reassured her that at times relating your story can be cathartic.
“I’m bipolar”, she states, “and frankly this illness has ruined my life”.
She was married for three years and with the incessant quarrelling and ‘flips’ between mania and depression, brought her into hospital numerous times. Therein the marriage fell apart, as her husband just couldn’t adapt to the ‘changing’ Susan.
Susan is proud, yet shy to speak of her office position in the working world. To her credit, she has been promoted twice in the past four years, firstly as a mail clerk, followed by company receptionist and lastly to an intermediate customs/exporting position. Her company has treated her well, allowing for time-off throughout the bumpy times, but she is still cynical about the future.
She has been in hospital for 3 ½ weeks, and is not making headway. Fearful to return home while still unwell, as this depression is so tough to shrug off. And now devoid of a husband for ‘talk’ support or family, which are vanishing by leaps and bounds, life appears bleak.
Three weeks later: Unexpectedly, Susan’s husband visited and wants to make an effort at their relationship. She alleged he regrets feeling sorry for himself and did not grasp the ‘pain’ of her illness. This in itself has brought some life in her.
“I’m still sitting on the fence as far as moods go”. The meds are working slowly for her and the doctor predicts two to three more weeks in hospital.
********************
Nancy – Age (41)
“I think I’ve conquered my depression!” she expresses excitedly.
Nancy has been in hospital for five weeks. The first three were a calamity and never thought she could hold her head up high again. The deep depression was all too consuming and no matter which was of previous interest i.e. reading, playing cards or socializing – vanished. There was a sentiment of no hope.
She is employed at a government agency and supervisor of a sizeable department. She has held this position for eight years now and employed at the agency for eighteen years. The division senior supervisors, and the agency for that matter, have been incredible. They have granted her time off and affirmed to return to work when feeling healthy enough. Co-workers have been visiting, as well as friends, but frankly she was in such a condition of blackness and doesn’t commit to memory conversations.
Nancy’s marriage is unbroken and has an incredible husband who has stood by her every moment. No children are in the picture due to her demanding career.
The depression appeared to originate with the death of her father earlier in the year. He was diagnosed with cancer and passed away not long after. Subsequent to the funeral, her mind clouded and she was all consumed with thoughts of suicide. She secretly wished to be by her father’s side, but couldn’t allow her mother to bear both burdens, so sought after help with her family doctor. The doctor was wonderful, but declared she could only do so much and referred her to a psychologist.
Nancy’s sessions started off nicely, but began to alter when digging deep into her father’s demise. She reacted badly and her whole personality altered. Day after day, she would sit down in darkness, in her recliner chair, gaze at the wall for hours, more or less in a trance. She realized she considered necessary further help, so called a friend and landed in the ER.
“The attending psychiatrist on this floor was amazing and guided me through this rough time”.
The medication took its time but is feeling a difference – a big difference. Some days are major disappointments, feeling so ‘down’ and thinks pessimistically, therefore feeling frightened.
Three weeks later: Presently, Nancy is coming along and elated that she is heading upwards and onwards instead of downwards into the pit. She returns home next week.
Written by:
Me
MIGRAINE HEADACHESMigraines are common in patients with a number of mental illnesses, but they are particularly common among bipolar II patients. In one study, 77% of bipolar II patients had migraines while only 14% of bipolar I had this headache, suggesting that difference biologic factors may be involved with each bipolar form.
I suffer from migraine headaches often, and at times the pain is so horrendous that I am forced to visit the ER for a shot of pain medication. The searing pain is unbearable.
Minimal Alcohol Use Can Worsen Bipolar...
January 1, 2006, TORONTO, ON ~~ Even consuming small amounts of alcohol appears to worsen the outcome of people with bipolar disorder, new Canadian research has found.
Researchers from the University of Toronto’s Department of Psychiatry examined 148 people with bipolar I or II who were enrolled in a study of cognitive-behavioral therapy vs. psycho-education. They ranged in age from 18 to 60, were in full or partial remission, and were not heavy drinkers.
Although weekly alcohol consumption was minimal among the participants, alcohol consumption among the men was associated with manic episodes and emergency department visits. Among women, alcohol consumption was associated with episodes of depression and hypomanic episodes.Article Source: BP Canada Magazine (Spring 2006)
Thursday, March 22, 2007
SWIMMING WITH THE SHARKS
Ten years of ping-ponging in hospitals, untreatable bipolar disorder and with life heading nowhere, my luck changed after a new psychiatrist entered my life. With correct meds finally, and great encouragement I began to take two steps forward.
My passion for writing began to resurface. Thoughts and ideas that lay dormant over the years could now be seen in print. My dilemma though found me with limited computer skills caused by years of unemployment, non-usage of computers and coupled by memory loss. I had to relearn everything. Tenacity prevailed, I worked daily on my typing skills, escalating my speed and educated myself using software. I regained the skills and was extremely pleased of the accomplishment. Wow! And so began the writing and was so swollen with pride when one of my articles was published in our local paper.
Next, I began to experience the yearning of perhaps returning to the working world. This would prove later to be a feat in itself. At the outset, I had a spotty resume caused by years of infirmity. Using my volunteer work, as well as, a short stint with self-employment, filled in the ‘experience’ section of my mottled resume, which began looking presentable. Next came the job hunt. I always felt, the search for a job is far more problematical than performing the job itself. Months of telephone calls, faxing resumes and mainly waiting for ‘that call’, at last paid off. I received ‘that call’, but felt frozen facing an actual interview. Years had passed since an interview was necessary of me. Also, tests were required. The computer typing test I had no difficulty with, but the ‘intelligence’ test proved a different story. Feeling I answered questions correctly, I later learned I only just squeezed by. However, a second interview was necessary and lo and behold I was offered a position in the banking field.
Prior to beginning this position, it was compulsory to attend a two-week training session. I considered this a breeze. I was gravely mistaken. The first day was a disaster, as it was essential to become accustomed to their internal computer system, and I sat in confusion having problems with straightforward tasks such as passwords and locating screens. The remaining two weeks met with more perplexity, and slowly my self-confidence, self-esteem and self-doubt tumbled downward. I was the slowest and oldest in the class. But, I passed and began the position. The everyday routine felt so bizarre after years of illness at home and in hospital. Enjoying the job, I was discontented with management and other factors played, and so, unfortunately after three months I discovered this job just wasn’t for me.
To make a lengthy story short, before long I found the position right for me. I have been with this company for 1 ½ years now and performing well. Self-confidence has returned, I am meeting the company’s stats, and ever so proud of this achievement. Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and getting back on your horse, so to speak, is in itself a major accomplishment. I struggle daily with ‘fitting in’ with my co-workers, and dreading my performance reviews; always expecting the negative, and ultimately surprised by the positive. Depression leaves a scar, but I have learned that a scar can fade.
I do not share my past with co-workers, due to the fact of **stigma. I recognize I would be treated in a different way, as the general public does not comprehend mental illness. In secret, I wish my co-workers/management to be acquainted with my triumph. Existing under a veil of blackness for so many years, then at last standing upright and functioning in the ‘working world’ is something of a phenomenon. This would give enlightenment to my slowness in grasping new company policies and procedures; my frazzled three-month wait to learn if I passed the probationary period; why self-confidence plummets and the heart skips a beat when monthly performance reviews are about to take place; and why I experience a sensation of gratefulness for this company, as they took a risk hiring me with a resume packed with holes. They apparently saw the potential I forgot I possessed.
I am testimony that the compassionate doctor that I am so privileged to have, the correct medication, sheer will and determination, spousal/family support have motivated me to seek out my buried talent and bounced me back on the road to living yet again.
My passion for writing began to resurface. Thoughts and ideas that lay dormant over the years could now be seen in print. My dilemma though found me with limited computer skills caused by years of unemployment, non-usage of computers and coupled by memory loss. I had to relearn everything. Tenacity prevailed, I worked daily on my typing skills, escalating my speed and educated myself using software. I regained the skills and was extremely pleased of the accomplishment. Wow! And so began the writing and was so swollen with pride when one of my articles was published in our local paper.
Next, I began to experience the yearning of perhaps returning to the working world. This would prove later to be a feat in itself. At the outset, I had a spotty resume caused by years of infirmity. Using my volunteer work, as well as, a short stint with self-employment, filled in the ‘experience’ section of my mottled resume, which began looking presentable. Next came the job hunt. I always felt, the search for a job is far more problematical than performing the job itself. Months of telephone calls, faxing resumes and mainly waiting for ‘that call’, at last paid off. I received ‘that call’, but felt frozen facing an actual interview. Years had passed since an interview was necessary of me. Also, tests were required. The computer typing test I had no difficulty with, but the ‘intelligence’ test proved a different story. Feeling I answered questions correctly, I later learned I only just squeezed by. However, a second interview was necessary and lo and behold I was offered a position in the banking field.
Prior to beginning this position, it was compulsory to attend a two-week training session. I considered this a breeze. I was gravely mistaken. The first day was a disaster, as it was essential to become accustomed to their internal computer system, and I sat in confusion having problems with straightforward tasks such as passwords and locating screens. The remaining two weeks met with more perplexity, and slowly my self-confidence, self-esteem and self-doubt tumbled downward. I was the slowest and oldest in the class. But, I passed and began the position. The everyday routine felt so bizarre after years of illness at home and in hospital. Enjoying the job, I was discontented with management and other factors played, and so, unfortunately after three months I discovered this job just wasn’t for me.
To make a lengthy story short, before long I found the position right for me. I have been with this company for 1 ½ years now and performing well. Self-confidence has returned, I am meeting the company’s stats, and ever so proud of this achievement. Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and getting back on your horse, so to speak, is in itself a major accomplishment. I struggle daily with ‘fitting in’ with my co-workers, and dreading my performance reviews; always expecting the negative, and ultimately surprised by the positive. Depression leaves a scar, but I have learned that a scar can fade.
I do not share my past with co-workers, due to the fact of **stigma. I recognize I would be treated in a different way, as the general public does not comprehend mental illness. In secret, I wish my co-workers/management to be acquainted with my triumph. Existing under a veil of blackness for so many years, then at last standing upright and functioning in the ‘working world’ is something of a phenomenon. This would give enlightenment to my slowness in grasping new company policies and procedures; my frazzled three-month wait to learn if I passed the probationary period; why self-confidence plummets and the heart skips a beat when monthly performance reviews are about to take place; and why I experience a sensation of gratefulness for this company, as they took a risk hiring me with a resume packed with holes. They apparently saw the potential I forgot I possessed.
I am testimony that the compassionate doctor that I am so privileged to have, the correct medication, sheer will and determination, spousal/family support have motivated me to seek out my buried talent and bounced me back on the road to living yet again.
Written by:
Me
"Losing It" and Losing It...
Early in 1984 I started “losing it” followed by the spiral into hell, “losing” my career, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth and very nearly my marriage and house.
Easy to look back now - so easy to do:
Faux pas #1. Entering psychotherapy. By far, the biggest mistake of my life. Dredging up past childhood hurts was beyond doubt detrimental to my overall health and well-being. Weekly sessions fueled crying outbursts, continuous flashbacks and nightmarish triggers. My quest should have been halted when the depression set in and the initial hospitalization occurred. I was the big loser in this pursuit.
Faux pas #2. Placing my trust in the mental health system, explicitly doctors. I placed my life in their hands and ultimately lost. Continuous switching of medications that proved unsuccessful and too-many-to-count hospitalizations all resulted in ZILCH. Too much trust on my part. Existing in the throes of depression, I consented to most hospitalizations; others were without. What began as one admission, soon grew to over 30. I surmise that they scratched their heads as to what to do with me. Hospital conditioning crept in, and I began to favor the hospital over home.
Faux pas #3. Not asking adequate questions. In defense of myself, deathly ill with the pain of depression, I granted to over 50 ECT’s (shock treatments). Doctors assured me that these treatments were paramount, explaining as the quantity of treatments increased, depressive feelings would decrease. Nonetheless, as time ticked by, the ECT’s in conjunction with medication, all out failed. Also, who would question a doctor’s method if it ultimately meant becoming well? I was once again the big loser.
Faux pas #4. Not fighting for my Career. Surrendering too easily and signing my livelihood away with a simple signature allowing the company to sever ties with me for good. I have to confess they were very tolerant initially, however, quickly grew tired of my continuous ill days and hospitalizations. Personality and work habit changes ultimately gave them no choice, I surmise. One day you are supervisor of a mid-sized accounting department – next day you are sitting in your hospital jammies waiting in line for your morning pills. I was once again the big loser.
Faux pas #5. Always blaming myself. This is something I have been struggling with throughout this whole illness, but have recovered enough to now say: “Why must I apologize for having an illness?” If this was cancer – would I have to apologize?...I think not.
Depressive illness robs one of so many things. A colossal frustration for me is the major memory loss linked with the too-many ECT treatments. Recalling particular past events in my life have been wiped out and have taken years to return, but only at a snail's pace. I was assured that long-term memory would not be affected.
BUT…BUT…BUT, No more faux pas and I’m living life again:
See what a few good years can do:
Working full-time, pursuing my writing again, no hospitalization since 2003, excellent psychiatrist, correct medication, moods steady, wonderful hubby, wonderful mother, cute doggie, new friendships.
Written by:
Me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
